I have so many blog posts saved as drafts,  it’s getting on my nerves.

I can never find the time or energy to finish. But yet have so much to say. Just not sure who to say it to and how to say it.

I edit myself too much. I don’t want to be too candid, because that might not be inspiring. And I want to be inspiring.

Or mute. Apparently.

Things are changing around here, and I think that’s all more overwhelming than I’d like to admit. We’ve kept ourselves busy this summer. Planning vacation bible school, a trip to New York, a benefit concert, a vacation. All ticking down to two weeks from now when our oldest flies the coop and leaves for college. When I mentioned it to my dear spouse yesterday, he said, “If we don’t talk about it, I can ride this denial a little longer.”

And she’s not the only one leaving the nest.

After five years of homeschooling, we’re sending two of the kids to the school. And am totally conflicted about it.

This year’s homeschooling experience wasn’t the greatest. Yes we got through the basics and a little more, but in general, it was kind of a bust. Our enrichment was limited because of business activities and other obligations, the needs of the smaller children and all the preparing for college auditions, applications and scholarship seeking.  I only have so much energy and so much time, I was feeling completely tapped out in every aspect of my existence, and we decided that for my sanity something had to give.

I have enjoyed homeschooling. There’s no doubt about that. I have loved the time with the kids, and I have cherished every moment these past years recognizing it is time I will never get back.  I love that our faith has been at the center of our curriculum. I love that I have done my best to protect the innocence of our children during these fleeting childhood years. I just don’t love knowing that this year I’ve failed to offer them all that they need.

We’ve chosen schools we think are best for each. Different children, different schools, different reasons. I’m happy with our choices, on paper. Concerned about the real-life experience. Nervous about the whole endeavor. I’ve prayed about it. I continue to pray about it. I am trying to give it to God, but am not doing that too successfully. It’s all so unknown. Unfamiliar.

The good news is, all the school-bound kids are excited. I’m sure once all this takes place, I’ll be good to go, and it’ll all be for the better.

Right?